Holidays Are Over... But i'm changed...
School started...Wish this never had to happen...Anyway, about the church camp...It was the 4 most enjoyable days of my life...serious. Never knew that God would have spoke so much to me in this camp. I went to the camp, expecting to have loadz of fun and worship, prayer...But it wasn't all that happend...on the second day of the camp, Andy was speaking about Stomping out hurts in our lives...At the end of the sermon...Matt told us all to write a list of all the people that have hurt us before in our lives that we can't really forgive...As i was writting the list. Thinking of all the hurts that i had in my life, i couldn't control myself but to cry...It was really painful thinking of all those things...I was tearing so much as i thought of my friends who totally hurt my feeelings as if i weren't a human and didn't have feelings...Thinking of those times made my heart ache...It was things of the past years that lasted till today. That very day was the most emotional day of my life when got really spoke to me to forgive them...I was difficult but i managed to forgive them. It wasn't just my friends that hurt me but my teachers and even my auntie. The hurts in my whole life flashed through my mind. The friends that betrayed me that hurt me the deepest...That pain lasted for 1 year before i could forget about it a little. "I remembered that when i was in Primary 1... When i was really fearful of going to school...I had a really "hot tempered" teacher that scolded people every few minutes...And even pull our ear...Pull our hand use ruler beat ppl...At that age i used to struggle going to school till one day my mum brought me to the principle...That time, the priciple was really friendly...She talked to me really nicely...And told me not to be afraid...Things like that...She became like my friend...Every morning i recall going to her office to talk to her...I Can tell you all i stopped going there already when i was primary 2...For about 2-3 years, When i don't think anybody at all at such a young age was getting councilling by my school councellor, i was...Must be thinking how dumb it is to get counciled all cause i struggle to go to school...But it wasn't just that...(other personal reasons i couldn't just type it here) 3 times a week i'll get pulled out of the class to go for couciling...But the councellor wasn't fierce. Thats a good thing..." I Thought of all the things that my mum helped me so much with and really thank God for her...I managed to forgive all the people who hurt me and even prayed a blessing over them too...Everyone was told to tear the paper (represent throwing away all the hurts in our lives) and throw it away...Matt came over and prayed for me saying he sensed a fear in me fear of rejection and things like that...It was true...ever since my best friend ditched me last time...I always feared that it would happen to me again and that ppl would go round telling the whole class to just ignore me and hate me all because i love God? Crazy people...Thats what happend last year...Sigh