lost. broken. speechless. agonized.
Once again, no words can describe the pain inside.
Why, God... Why...?
Its not about being emo at all.
There's a difference between merely feeling down and 'angst'y
And living a situation in itself which is so painful
But you've got no control over it...
Can't imagine i just laid there for 5 long excruciating hours
Tossed and turn without a single sign of peace
It was the worst night in my life
The hardest i had to get by
Thoughts flew through my mind
Many were ridiculous
Things i know i shouldn't have thought of doing
Just to get away and hide wasn't what i was meant to do
I can look back now and honestly say
I know why it was that hard
It felt like losing everything i had
All my dreams...hopes and joy
It was the first time in my life
I felt utterly confused and numb (totally)
Nothing seemed right at all
I admit the fear overwhelmed me
And no words could describe how i felt
I wondered what i turned into
From the very bottom of my heart,
I'm sorry
And today, i thank you
Thanks for the time today :)
Honestly, i can't stop smiling :D
Hehe...
2002"i miss those times... i miss both of them...
looking back, i wish i appreciated those moments more
I wish i cherished and treasured more of those deep in my heart
Cause now i desperately want those memories to return to me"
I honestly... Don't know how i should feel.
Someone please save me from all this...
To be dead honest?
I badly... terribly miss those times just a couple of months back.
Why can't things just stay that way?
If i could, i'd turn back time
Re-live those times again and things would have been different
So very different.
I wouldn't be here facing this shit right now
I wouldn't be spending this entire day,
Merely and simply pondering over what i feel i've lost
I'm so sorry... I wish you could see.
It's just me and i admit maybe i've changed...
Wondering why things had to drastically turn out this way...
I hate the feeling of losing everything
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why...
Thank you...
For the first time in a long time...
I truly felt an overwhelming sense of joy again
Thanks for reminding me what it actually is
That was where I believe...
I was meant to be
But never had a chance to
I wish you had some idea how much this hurts me
How much it actually drags me down
I wish you'd realize I've sinked so far beneath
That I'm close to reaching the core
Just take another few more steps
And I probably won't exist
It hasn't been my choice anyway
And it wouldn't be my choice to fade away
I'm sorry all these while
Maybe i haven't been my best
Maybe i figured i could jolly well try
Or was it simply to quit?
I wanna give up and walk away
But it isn't, like I've said
As simple as it sounds
For what was once said
I wonder if it still applies now
If those words meant something
If those words were lasting
I swear I've finally found the meaning again
Finally renewed within my mind
I've gotta be reminded of this sometimes
Cause its honestly, pretty hard to get by...
I wish you could be here to share the partial joy with me... I'll be continually wishing... And I'll keep hoping... pondering... wondering... sacrificing... loving... caring... tearing... crying... hurting... dreaming... of and for the day it will be finally...coming. I can't let go of this hope. Its the only thing that keeps me going, yet pulling me back, at the same time. I'll hold on to this, even if it means waiting my entire life time... Cause at least if gives me something, and a reason to keep me here.
You really have your NATURAL ways and in-born instincts to piss me off don't you?
wth... Honestly, it isn't that easy till you made it seem like it is. Damn.
I don't even know what's happening these days
Is it just me? Cause i can't keep my thoughts to myself?
And simply accept the fact that you care...
I stare out of my window
Feels as if i'm on the top of the world
Watching the sunset
A beautiful view is pointless
When you're alone without the one you need
Another day passed...
As ordinary as it has been on the better side
I find no point in it
When every moment its all i think about
Being alone now i wish someone could be here
Someone to tell me its ok and i'll be alright
Someone close to my heart for me to share the moment
Someone i could face and finally smile
Someone i can be here for...
You're the only time i could say i've had a "good day"
After all that had happened
After all those tears already shed
After the pain i felt all that while
I thought the best way to end all that
And let it all out
Was to run back to you
Little did i expect any of those
All i wanted was to get it off me
But i didnt expect the reactions that came
After so much knew about how i already felt
Till this hour i can't get over a single thing you said
I thought i'd feel better after the sleep i had
But guess whats the first thing that came
The moment i opened my eyes
Tears streamed down my cheeks again
And i wondered why it had to be
Always me to be hit that way
Isn't a nice way to start a day full of papers
Exams on my weakest...
Now i'm sick and i'm tired
I couldn't focus a single bit on chem today
My eyes all puffy when i got to school
I struggled to keep them open as i sat the papers
Flashes of last night and all the emotions
Washed over me again and again
My mind drifted, i must say
And i couldn't control my thoughts
I wanted to tear and give up right away
But i did my best to sit right through
The moment i came home and entered my room
My real self returned right away
I thought of you and started to cry
Why do i face this all the time?
Sometimes the people whom u love the most,
Really do care the most.
Yet there'll always be many things they do,
Which are so hard to understand.
Many things they say,
Which hit too hard to continue to stand.
Why will i feel like this when it isn't what i protrayed things to be? Why do i feel so disturbed within when i could barely remember how it felt the last time i was caught in such a situation? It doesn't hurt, or does it? For 4 years, no one but 1 other has caused me to feel this way just till u came by... Why? Somethings about myself i just can't understand. Sometimes its heartbreaking...
God i know u understand... i know u do...
Please... Please help me through all these...
the reason things may have turned out this way
i have no one but myself to blame
i'm sorry for what i have done
and all that i may do
i wish i've never been that ignorant
of everything good that came my way
i wish i cherished every single moment
as if i'd never see them come again
if i had thought that way
maybe i would have seen this coming
maybe i would have foreseen these restless nights
I'd rather expect the worst
than merely dwell in a joyous moment
but it seems like in each of those times i had
i never thought of what was to come
and the drastic turn in emotions
which were bound to take place
i can't imagine anyone ever taking that place
i can't put into words that guilt I'd face
even at this instant i wanna hide
and run from what i did
the wild yet significant defiance which grew within
I'm just sorry i couldn't control
I'm sorry, as usual, i couldn't say no
yet i so desperately wanted to
i wanted to scream and run back to you
wherever you were and whatever it took
i wish i did, and this is wouldn't face
pondered on my day
paved with mistakes was all that's left
life would be perfect in an instant
if only my single wish would come true
I've never seen a solution as simple as it is
to perfect a life, i must say, is a big thing
as simple as it is, i can't make it happen
and i wonder why this was what it is for me